Owned And Single. What You Dont Know About The Dark Life Of…

I’m a girl who wants to be owned. I have been since my first glimpse into this world. To me, being owned means I am chosen, wanted, worthy; it means someone is willing to invest time and energy into my safety, happiness, well-being, and depravity thank you very much. Being owned brings a level of discipline and accountability to my life that both benefits and pleases me. It allows me to safely share the kind of love and devotion that are at the core of who I am as a slave and property. Being owned challenges my thinking and my pride. I grow from this, I’m better for it. And the objectification of my person and invasion of my privacy …well, that just makes me wet.

I have known my Owner for over 2 years. He and his wife were some of the first people who caught my eye on FL and whose acquaintance I made when first entering the local community. He and my former dominant had a nice friendship, which I believe is important to see between Capital-letter-types. No one exists in a vacuum, and no Tumblr page prepares you for your slave being inconsolable or willfully disobedient. (To repeat, D-types should have real relationships with other D-types, but that is another post for another day.) His wife is one of my best friends and has been an ally in both my personal challenges and my community projects – coming alongside, taking over when I needed her, holding me (literally and figuratively), lending unwavering support. They both saw me through several tumultuous months of on-again-off-again with my former partner. They listened every time I cried, bereft, and supported almost every time I would get back together with that person.

My Owner and I knew each other pretty well by the time that relationship finally ended. We had a comfortable and honest friendship I knew I could rely on. I trusted him as a human being and respected who he was (and still is) as a Dominant. I naturally fell into step with some of his protocols, I submitted to him, because of who he is, and who I am. When he suggested a Guardian/ward dynamic, it was welcome to the point of inevitable.

Submitting to him held me accountable for my actions, gave me comfort as I processed my grief, and was a safe place to continue to enjoy and explore play. I don’t know how it benefited him, but I’m grateful he cared enough to want me under his protection.

It wasn’t always easy. We would engage in play and suddenly, I would be sobbing in heartbreak and what can only be described as post relationship stress disorder. This man, who doesn’t really get close to others, pushed himself towards being patient and comforting for me. Affectionate. A safe, secure place. We had our differences, as well. Where he can seem cocky and abrasive, I am ridiculously emotional and unreasonable. And, on occasion, I can be outright disobedient. I have to credit, with the deepest gratitude, his wife for advocating for me when I was on my worst behavior and during my most unreasonable bouts of post-break-up hysterics. I am positive that more times than I can possibly know, she has stepped between him and me as translator, voice of reason, and compassion-giver.

As the months went by, trust grew stronger, fun was had, affection deepened. And I healed. What seemed impossible – the surviving and thriving after the end of that dynamic – has become reality. I am not 100%, but I feel good. I have joy. I’m solid. It feels like a miracle.

By January, we were making jokes about not being poly, but not not being poly. I mean we weren’t .. we aren’t! But it felt like there was some string left untied between me and my Guardian. I wanted to be owned, he suggested – a Jedi mind trick that I was not about to fall for… So obviously I said yes, please. It seemed like a natural progression between people who had developed some emotional intimacy and physical affection.

Regarding our dynamic, nothing much changed on the surface. We basically allot the same amount of time and attention for each other that we did as friends, and as Guardian/ward. Our protocols have not changed. There are no “vanilla” dates (there is no anything right now, thanks Covid-19) or other super “together-y” type things. His marriage comes first; I am not his most precious thing, and that is right and okay. But there is a boundary that was between us that has been erased, one that served us well as friends and as Guardian/ward. When I take stock of the relationship he and I have, my mind gets jammed between how did this happen and of course we’re here. Regardless, now I get kisses, and I get to say, “I love you Sir.” I am grateful. I’m happy.

I had planned on staying more single than I feel at the moment. But the fact is: I am his. I’ve been his for a while now, honestly. How can you possibly submit to someone as worthy as he is, trust someone the way that I trust him, lay your ugliest parts bare to them the way I did, be set back on solid ground the way that I have, and not have a sincere and profound love for that person? I’m not sure there are words to convey the appreciation I have for who he is and what he’s done for me. And I would not be interested in another relationship anyway, not right now. I am mostly healed but I’m not ready for that. So like, I’m kinda single, but not really, and not looking, but when it happens I’ll…know?… Therefore, while it might be possible for me to go on a date with someone, or to consider a casual partner, I am not looking.

In a perfect world, at the perfect time, my Master will come for me. He will be right for me, capable of owning me. Sir will see this. And he will let me go. I see that person joining our house, Leather or Leather-supportive, and he will appreciate the bond that is already formed here. Things will change. The devotion will shift. My secret sauce is the devotion, and it can ultimately only go to one person. There will be grief. But we will be friends for the long haul, no matter what. I belong to @_D_, and I am no more interested in going anywhere than he is ready and willing to let me go. We just need a minute. To own and be owned. With that little ‘single’ label serving as a placeholder for a future I do not yet need.